It was either that or "puts the kettle on".

"Polly" hasn't always been my name.
Sometimes I'm glad about that.
When witty people say;
"Ooooh, I suppose you want a cracker!";
I find myself wondering what a real Polly would do.

Something violent, perhaps?
Possibly involving a kettle?

The blank looks they get from me must be confusing.
But that's all right.
I'm a confusing person.