Tree dreams.

The ravenous bugblatter beast of credit has been drooling loudly and thus we jumped at the chance for some double pay today. Trouble might write about it one day at his/her blog "Trouble at Work".
We'll see.
Other than deal with customers (ie. getting out of the way and letting Trouble do her/his job) we don't do much at the tree except drink tea and day dream. There's been altogether too much day dreaming lately, foolish sad little regret-ridden dreams of what might have been if only...
I think part of reason that we've taken so long (and are still resisting) to accept where we are in life right now, and to stop wishing we'd done things differently is that we're still resisting accepting that we are multiple and have mental health issues and that a lot of the chaos and mayhem and sadness in our life you know.. might at least be slightly connected to that stuff... rather than say a well thought out career plan of the sylvia plath variety.
(Madness, Death, Eternal Greatness)
Part of our reluctance to believe this (what? I've forgotten already) - is because we wish so very much that it was under our control and that we could just stop and get the hell over it and finally stop this nonsense and grow up and stop pretending and behave sensibly and etc. etc.
But we can't, can we, and we look like a kitten washed up on a beach licking itself, I'm sure;
"I meant to catch that wave, yuh huh, sure I did, I like it here."

Well, here at the beach I washed up on things are actually okay, thank you for asking.

We are still grieving for our friend. Our grief did change form somewhat after 40 days when we dismantled the shrine and candles. Since then we have been having vivid dreams.

First one: oh damn already gone
Second one:snobbish bellydancers at a party
Third: cow god

These dreams have been having consequences for us, affecting our decisions.
We don't ordinarily notice that.

Those of us who do still eat meat have been abstaining from beef since the cow god dream. That cow god was persuasive and had firm views about it being okay to eat cheese, but not okay to eat beef. A lot of us had always got stuck with that - not being able to see a difference morally but that's the nice thing about having heard it straight from the cow god. Now I know.

Until cow god speaks again... mmmooooooooo.

So much for keeping this journal the 'sane and sensible' one.